


being seen

by aruarudayo



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Character Study, Gen, Introspection, Minor Spoilers for Part 2/Second Beat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:27:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23887432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aruarudayo/pseuds/aruarudayo
Summary: For Iori, there's little joy in being the center.
Comments: 11
Kudos: 25





	being seen

**Author's Note:**

> I think a lot about Iori's struggles during part two and how he bottles all his emotions up so no one knows how torn up he is about the whole center change and so he doesn't take attention away from Riku. The only one that notices that Iori isn't okay is Tamaki, and I'd like to continue this with something from Tamaki too, but I've had this sitting since January and I think it can function well on its own. It's short and barely edited, but I hope you enjoy.

There’s a tightness in his chest he can’t seem to get rid of. He thinks his heart is beating much too fast, but he also isn’t sure that it’s beating at all. One half of his head is dead focused on what needs to happen next, where he needs to be in order to support everyone from where he is in the center, what line he needs to sing next (he will _never_ allow himself to forget his lines again), what expression he’s making to the audience—but the other half is struggling to breath properly beneath the lights and the judging stares of the staff and the audience and the other members of IDOLiSH7.   
  
How did Nanase-san do this up until now?   
  
Iori refuses to give in to the anxiety. He has to be perfect or the center change would be for nothing. He needs to create a place for Nanase-san to return to, because he _will_ return. This is only temporary. Iori’s fear is only temporary.  
  
At least, that’s what he keeps telling himself, through the performance, through the bows, through the MC sections of this show they’re on where they inevitably have to talk about Iori and the center change. This is all temporary. He needs to be here for the sake of their _real_ center, for Mitsuki’s sake, for IDOLiSH7’s sake. He’ll be perfect for them.  
  
He stays perfect right up until he closes the door to his room, all showered and changed and ready for bed. He has school in the morning and he can’t afford to skip when he doesn’t have something scheduled. He has to keep up his grades even as the center—no, even more so because he’s the center. Everything he does now is going to reflect on the group. He has to be perfect.  
  
Except he’s scared. He’s so, so scared. He doesn’t want to be the center; he doesn’t want to be the one everyone sees. He already has high standards for himself, but being perfect with a purpose brings an added weight that he doesn’t want. He wants to be in the background where he can move as he likes, move more comfortably and not be exhausted just from this one performance.   
  
His thoughts are still running a million miles a minute even though there’s no one watching, but it’s because no one is watching that he can sink to the ground and put his head in his hands, loosen the tight grip he has on himself for just a little while as he stifles anxious sobs and loses control.   
  
He doesn’t have time for this. He doesn’t have the right to be like this. Nanase-san is the one who’s struggling; that’s why they made Iori the center in the first place. Iori's troubles are nothing compared to the pain Nanase-san is in. Iori's troubles don't matter.   
  
So he’ll continue to be as perfect a center as necessary, even if it’s hard, because IDOLiSH7 needs him. But as long as no one knows, as long as no one is looking, he can be a little less perfect right now.


End file.
